I AM NOT ASHAMED OF CRYING AT WORK WHEN I HEAR ABOUT ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING

E. D. Watson

May 25, 2022

i am ashamed of not crying every time it happens. 

by it i mean some guy with a gun goes into a school 

a church a supermarket and unloads. sometimes i don’t. 

cry, i mean. sometimes i am too busy. i am in the middle

of my to-do list, i close the browser, look away

because if i didn’t i’d always be hiding in the break room

clutching a damp ball of kleenex while a coworker

covers my shift, like i am today. people cannot live 

like this. tomorrow there’ll be bouquets wrapped 

in cellophane propped against a chain link fence. 

there’ll be teddy bears and votive candles and photos

of the slain, we’ll click several dozen sad emojis 

repost some memes about policy & change, vent 

our rage, tag the governor, call out his cowboy ways

and in eight or nine days it will happen again. 

we’ll call it shocking and unreal. by it i mean 

what i said before. the holes in the classroom door. 

blood. reporters. crime scene tape. it hurts 

it hurts and is it perverse 

to be glad i am crying 

it proves i can still feel

E. D. Watson is a Poetic Medicine teacher and yoga instructor from Central Texas.